Literally that’s how I feel right now. These last few days leading up to our little guy’s heart surgery makes me feel like I’m going to bust. Bust? How?
Well, first off there is busting out in tears if I don’t guard my emotions at all times in public. It’s so awkward for clerks when I have a meltdown. Then there is the anger mode where road rage is a direct threat to all around me who don’t drive the way I need them to. It is safer to just stay in the bubble of trust right now (and stay off the road.) How do people get through these things without this faith I cling to???
My daughter, Abby, Otto’s momma wrote this on her blog this week: “God is using Otto’s condition to bring me back.”
I had taken the first part of the night shift with our little warrior and she had taken over in the wee hours of the morning and then I went to bed. We wanted to let our working guys get some sleep. My first waking thought when I woke up to bright sunlight was, “Oh no! I missed boot camp (yay!)” I looked at my phone to check the time and saw that Abby had made a blog update.
After I read it I laid in bed and cried as my heart broke for her but also rejoiced. I pulled myself together and went downstairs and said, “Abby, I just read your blog and it was amazing.” I told her, “It is one thing for others to see where God is taking you in the hard times but when you can see it for yourself - it is truly beautiful.” That, my friends, was an Aha moment.
I thought about that Aha throughout the day and recalled the hard stuff I had been through in life. At what point did I see God bringing me to something beautiful? Did others see it before me? I do know that even in the worst moments of my addiction, there was something better waiting and I was willing to stay sober to see what it was.
To quote Pastor Rick Warren, “God never wastes a hurt.” My hurt is not wasted, yours is not wasted and as Abby pointed out, neither is hers. That’s where trust comes in. God is always waiting for us to come back in times of hurt.
It doesn’t matter if it takes minutes or days he will be waiting.
“When I am afraid I’ll put my trust in you.” -Psalm 56:3
So in all this hurt, waiting, and praying I am going to just trust.
This acronym gives us some good guidance.
This week I ask for your prayers for Otto on surgery day: October 4. And for his parents who will be trusting with all they have to hand their child over to the doctors. Your prayers help us all to stay in perfect peace. They are felt.
We have a lot to be thankful around here in Hoppenland. My lap overfloweth with little boys. God is good. All the time.
Peace on your weekend,
P.S. Not sure if there will be a blog next week, but I will post an update.