The Codependent's Verse: Romans 12:2
Here we are again - closing out another week of a summer that is flying by! I can’t believe this is the last full weekend of June already. It is going way too fast. I love July so much, but I almost don’t want it to be here yet! It's definitely my favorite month of the year. July is summer in full swing and I absolutely love it! The first thing I do every morning (if it's not beastly hot) is open a window. I want to hear the sounds of morning as I drink my coffee, read, write, and pray for the day ahead. I wake up without an alarm when it starts to get light out, no matter what time it is. I absolutely love summer mornings. It is so much harder in the cold, grey months of winter to get going that early! I don’t want to miss a minute of these summer days.
I hope you had a great Father's Day weekend. We certainly did! The first annual Hoppen Palooza was a lot of fun and will stand out in my mind for quite awhile as one of my favorite days. We had 3 birthdays and Father's Day to celebrate! It felt so good to have my whole family back together. Olivia returned from Africa safe and sound, so this momma is feeling content to have all her sheep back in the fold.
On to our topic this week. We are finally going to talk more about codependency!
A couple of weeks ago, I shared this verse (Romans 12:2) with you and said, “Stay tuned.” Well, I have kept that verse in front of me and have been muttering a lot, “Renew your mind Sherry, renew your mind.” I was staring at this verse so much it got me thinking (more than usual) one day. When you take this verse apart line by line, it becomes really clear how God not only wants us to live, but expects us to live. Keep in mind, this is just my interpretation here. Don’t want to step on any toes.
And do not be conformed to this world - Don’t give in to someone else’s expectations or lifestyle. It's not your stuff. The world tells me to be someone different than what God wants me to be. Sometimes the world wins and, in case you haven’t noticed, that never turns out well.
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind - Renew my mind? I do know how to do that, at least to start my day. It starts by getting with God every morning before I do anything else. That sets the tone to getting my mind in a good place for the day. However, we have to reset to renew often during the day. Sometimes, that means taking your own time out to do something to get back on track. Maybe a quick walk, a review of what you learned in your morning meditation, phone a friend, pray. Lots of options here.
Your time out should not be scrolling social media, a habit I'm working hard to break. When is the last time you sat quietly to think when you had a moment? Now we haul out our phones the minute we are idle. We used to have time to think whether we wanted to or not. I’m noticing that anywhere people have to wait, like in a checkout line, carpool lane, train crossing, or even at a program where their kid is not on stage, out comes the phone. We are missing out! That used to be automatic quiet time and it is gone!
At 50, I am of that generation that likes our new connections to the world but craves life without the constant infiltration of it as well. Try it the old fashioned way for a day. I’m challenging myself to do that for one whole day soon. I’ll let you know how that experiment goes.
so that you may prove what the will of God is - How do we know his will for us? It’s not on Facebook but it is in that quiet time I mentioned earlier. Sit in his presence, ask him and then listen. In this day and age the answer doesn't come from a burning bush, but he does make the way clear. We just have to look for it, be open to it. I have been known to clearly know what God’s will is for me, but just like Jonah, I've run as far away from his plan as I can get.
that which is good, acceptable, and perfect - That’s his will. Those three words. It’s who I want to be and if I follow the instruction he is so clearly giving me in this verse, that will happen.
This verse ties into codependency because it is telling us to be who he is calling us to be. Not the label we so often assign ourselves. I gave my dad a card for Father's Day that told him he had been given a “Special Assignment.” Me! That’s who we are to our Heavenly Father too, a special assignment. No one else on this earth has the exact same assignment that you do. Seek his will to figure out what that is.
When we give in to the labels of codependency, we are taking a detour from the life God wants us to live. We are not called to be any of these labels.
The Martyr: "I am going to save this whole family."
The Victim: "None of this is my fault, why do these things keep happening to me. I haven't done anything to deserve this."
The Control Freak: "As long as I am in charge and everyone listens to me things will work out right. My kids will be perfect. My husband will be perfect. My home will always be
clean. I will always look put together."
Any of this hitting a nerve? In all of these, there is hope that others will only look at the outside and not look close enough to see what's really going on inside.
I find myself identifying with the control freak. I had my life plan and if anyone varied from my plan, look out! When my perfect world started to crumble I had no idea how to handle it. I had never looked further than controlling it and had no idea how to fix it. Why? It wasn’t my assignment to mold and shape my life into perfection. It was and still is God's. So I checked out, turned my back on him and started drinking. Too much. Then I tried to control that. That didn't turn out so well either.
Codependency is called “the disease of looking elsewhere” for a reason that I think is very obvious. We are always looking, searching, and seeking for a way to fix ourselves, someone else, or something. We look everywhere else but to God. Many times he is a last resort. He is so patient! No matter how many times we try on our own he always welcomes us back. God’s got your stuff, your life, all figured out for you. He also has the life of the people we love all set too. Remember that next time you want to save, blame, or control. Lay it at God's feet and wait for your assignment from the ultimate teacher. You will be blessed with an A+ that equals eternity with him.
Peace on your weekend,