Are you sick of hearing about all things Hoppen wedding? Sorry, but I have more to say!
I won't tell you again what an amazing day it was, how beautiful the bride was, how the weather was unimaginably perfect and so on and so on. You get it. I am still riding on the high of a successful and beautiful day. However, the days of "after the wedding" are starting to add up and I am making the shift into life after wedding.
I was in no way wanting this special day to be over, but I was looking forward to being done with planning it. Ready to have my feet hit the ground in the morning without a wedding to do list that had me awake at 4 am. I was ready to focus on some of the other projects in front of me. I thought I would dive right in to all of them, but I was wrong.
I am having a hard time figuring out the new normal for me. We went on a little getaway right after the wedding on Sunday and Monday so that the next Tuesday was my first "normal" day. Of course I had made a list a mile long with every intention of knocking it down one by one until It was done. It didn't go that way at all and it's been that way ever since. Like a game of whack a mole I just can't win! I felt like I would finish something and then another thing would pop up and it just kept happening!
Instead of getting frustrated and overwhelmed (which I have learned doesn't do me any good at all) I just keep after it. I've given myself a longer grace period than a few days. Telling myself that it's okay if it doesn't get all done. One of the things on my list was to get back to blogging! I carry a notebook around with me where I write down any list, reminder, or to do item. There is no organization to it whatsoever and it would probably drive the average person nuts but it works for me. So every day starts with a list of things carried over from the day before and then everything on the list gets a number in order of must do, should do, and probably won't do. Writing always falls under "should do" but today I moved it to must do. The reason being that blogging is a healthy outlet for my heart. Even if no one else gets anything out of it, I will by having let the words out of my head and onto the screen.
So the biggest thing on my mind post wedding is kind of a quiet reflection that I keep having about my sobriety journey and the gift it gave me at the wedding.
There is a lot of talk about the gifts of sobriety, and there are many believe me! They just keep coming almost six years later.
I have shared this with some close friends and I want to share it here. Not once did I want to drink about anything wedding leading up to the big day or on the big day. That is a miracle. Nothing less than a miracle.
When I think back (way back) to the excuses I could always come up with that convinced me to not quit drinking they have all been cast aside. One of the biggies was weddings.
The age we are has a lot of our friends kiddos getting married and then there was also the biggie of our own daughters wedding someday. Oh the rationale I came up with (insert eyeroll here)! Truthfully though, I could not imagine any kind of life without drinking. Happy Hours, business trips, weddings, you name it. I thought each and every instance was going to completely suck and for awhile they did. I made sure of it. I made sure not only was I miserable, my husband would be too. The event would usually be a total bust due to my selfish (not to mention miserable) attitude. Somewhere in there a shift occurred. A shift that these things could actually be enjoyable. That part of the freedom from alcohol as realizing it no longer had the power to control me or the event.
This shift happened when I no longer entertained the idea of drinking as an option.
We shared some pretty special moments together
The last time I drank I knew it was my last. I had learned from previous attempts that it would be this thought process and this one only that would save me. That there wasn't any other option but to say "this is my last drink." It was still hard and I had a lot to learn, but It needed to be this way.
I had no idea what this way of life would look like but I did it anyway. I trusted that God would bring me through each and every minute of every day. I decided that I had to shut down the thought that drinking might be a someday thing.
If you are reading this and struggling with alcohol and the hold it has over you I want to speak into you.
There is only one way to save your life. Just put it down and one day at a time don't ever pick it back up. If you are entertaining the idea of drinking again, I am sorry to say, you will fail. Close the door on that possibility and move forward into the life that is waiting for you.
It is a relief to live a life that doesn't revolve around when, where, and how I will drink. It's peaceful and full. Hard things still come up but the more time that goes by it gets easier. I promise. There is no circumstance in my life that alcohol will improve. It will make it worse, I promise you that as well. The scripture "I can do all things" is often translated in my head to "I can do hard things."
When I got sober this sweet bride of ours was only 17 and she had yet to meet Big Landon. I remember having the thought "what about her wedding" how will I handle that!? I am grateful I didn't wait six more years. Truth is, there will always be something that we believe is an obstacle if we let it.
I am glad I listened to those with more experience than me and chose to live life one day at a time. This day was one of them and I am so very grateful I was as present as possible for this glorious day and I know my family, especially the bride is grateful as well.
Olivia and Big Landon 8/1/9/2019
Photo Credit Kate Touzel Photography